Dressing the Dog-Chapter 2, Part Two

DRESSING THE DOG

Chapter 2 (Part Two)

The car was packed and we rolled out of the driveway, singing songs to the radio like one big happy family.  And we WERE happy!  Even Katie was happy.  We made pit-stops along the way and took walking breaks at the roadside rest stops and life was good.  We stayed at “pet-friendly” hotels and found outdoor restaurants that would let us eat on the patio, and Katie was having fun.  I did what I could to show her the ropes.  She was getting LOTS of attention, lots more than she got at home because it was just the two of us on the trip… so she should have been basking in the glory.  By day two she was picking at her food. –SIGH- On the third day, we had made it to Boston where we checked into our hotel.  Daddy had reserved a nice room with a sitting room so we would have PLENTY of room to move around.  We wanted Katie Bug to be nice and comfortable.  We brought lots of her favorite toys to play with and her favorite blankies to sleep with, but she wouldn’t eat anything at this point.  She wouldn’t even eat her snacks… so I ate those because I didn’t want them to go bad.  Since Mummy home-cooked for us, we were very accustomed to eating “people food” with a tiny bit of kibble.  Mummy had packed some of our special meals on ice and put them in a cooler, but Katie had stopped eating those a few days ago.  Hmmm… maybe something different would entice her to eat again.  There was a little buffet set up across the hall for the guests on our floor, so Daddy walked over to see if they had anything that Katie might like to eat.  He came back with a few bits of salmon.  I gobbled mine right up.  Katie made a few sniffs and decided to end her 2-day hunger strike.  Hooray!!!!  Relief washed over us… Katie was back.

Mummy had plans to go out to lunch with 2 friends, and they were on their way up to our room.  We would stay here with Daddy while he watched some life-changing football game on TV and Mummy would spend the afternoon with her friends.  After saying hello, getting a few pats on the head and exchanging a few pleasantries it was time for them to leave.  Mummy was holding Katie, so she sat her down on the bed and turned to pick up her purse.  In the blink of an eye, the room filled with an odor that can only be described as DEATH.  In horror, she whirled around to see the bedspread COVERED with runny dog poo, Katie was COVERED with runny dog poo, and it was even on the carpet.  Katie only weighed FOUR POUNDS but there was at least FIVE POUNDS of poo all over that room.  Even as a little dog, with my limited schooling from PetSmart, I knew that scientifically, that was NOT EVEN POSSIBLE.  But I saw it with my own eyes.  I tried to get out of the room but the door was shut and I couldn’t reach the handle.  If the window had been open I would have JUMPED out and risked my own life.  The SMELL was something that cannot truly be described.  Of course everyone from the sitting room raced into the bedroom and just STOOD THERE.  Katie sat in the middle of the bed with her eyes wide open, acting like she had no idea who did it… but we all knew it was her!!!  I will mention here that I really don’t have a strong constitution and gross stuff makes me sick, so this whole thing caused me to crawl under the sofa in the sitting room and just wait it out.  I would either die there, or someone would FIX things… but I would not help clean up that mess or even help to console Katie.  In fact, I didn’t even want to be NEAR Katie.  I saw Mummy walk past the bedroom door, holding Katie outstretched in one hand.  Katie’s hair was matted all over in dripping poo, like she had rolled in it or something.  From my viewpoint, her hair looked like a nest of live snakes.  Jesus, take the wheel.

All I can do to save you, the reader, from any further torture is to fast-forward you thru this nightmare.  Katie was placed into the bathtub, which was the only “safe” place to put her for the moment.  The bedspread was balled up and put in the corner of the room.  It would have to be burned later.  The windows were opened to let fresh air IN, and let the smell of DECAYING DEATH OUT… despite the fact that it was below freezing outside.  You have never seen four people move so fast.  Daddy started to wash Katie once the worst of things were handled.  The carpet would have to be cleaned and they needed a new bedspread.  Daddy told Mummy and her friends to just “go” and he would call housekeeping up to the room and explain the situation.  As they were leaving, housekeeping was arriving.  They took none step INTO the room, and took one step back OUT of the room.  The open windows weren’t really doing that great of a job as long as the stinky bedspread was still in the room.  Daddy handed it to them and told them what happened.  To say they were not happy would be an understatement, but let’s just leave it at that.  A new bedspread was brought in, new towels were brought in, the carpet was shampooed, the tub was re-cleaned and air-freshener was brought in.  There was a crew of people who came… in hazmat suits.  I stayed under the sofa… and I’m pretty sure they never knew I was there.  I didn’t want them to think it was ME who did this… when it was KATIE.  ALL KATIE.  Daddy told Mummy later that he paid for the bedspread and tipped all of the housekeeping staff for their hard work, but I don’t think they really cared about the tip.  I will be honest, if it had been me, I wouldn’t have cleaned that room for ANY AMOUNT of money.  Katie sulked around the rest of the afternoon while Daddy and I kept looking at her out of the corner of our eyes, praying she was DONE with whatever had come over her.  When Mummy got back, Daddy said that perhaps Katie needed to just eat rice and kibble until we got back home and we all agreed.

Bright and early the next morning, Mummy was ready to get the heck out of that hotel and drive up to New York like we had planned.  Katie and I had been out to potty first thing and we were all packed and ready to go. Daddy carried Katie because obviously he was afraid to put her down anywhere.  We got everything to the lobby, where we found a breakfast buffet set up along one wall of the massive entryway.  A long line of hungry guests snaked across the room.  Man, these people get up EARLY!  Daddy put Katie down for FIVE SECONDS to get the car keys from his jacket and Katie took that moment to poop in the middle of the room… right in front of the scrambled eggs!  I mean, COME ON KATIE!  This was a cry for help if ever there was one!  HOW, HOW, HOW in the name of all that’s holy could that girl have ANYTHING left inside of her???  At least it was firm enough to pick up… but the problem at that moment, was that neither Daddy nor Mummy had ANYTHING to pick it up with!!!       So Mummy straddled the poo, with people walking around her, shooting daggers into her and Katie and me   (I did NOT do it…  I’m getting tired of having to say this!), while Daddy went to find a paper napkin or paper something because all of the napkins at the buffet table were CLOTH napkins!!!   After what seemed like an E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y he finally came back to pick up the poo.  Honestly, I was ready to disown my sister at that point.  Girl, bye.

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